Dancing is my Infinity

Was I limited to this body,
I was born in?
The intellect I so graciously possessed,
Was it limited too?

 

Why these boundaries?
They tried to set…
The extremeties they believed in
Why why why

 

The orthodox I was born into
It tried to set those perimeters
Tried to confine me
Yet yet yet

 

I questioned, I searched
Annihilated that wall of blindness
Barriers came tumbling down
Infinity infinity infinity

 

Yes! I found something
I realised something
Pieces of my imagination clicked together
Weaving, Dancing Dancing Dancing together

 

I remembered dancing
The feeling while dancing
Recalled all those feelings
Connecting connecting connecting, gradually

 

Infinity and dancing
They were connected
I was unlimited, infinity
I danced danced danced, that night

 

Letting go of the restraints
They tried to build in me
Build around me
I was pure Vibe Vibe Vibe

 

No judgment, no uncanny stares
Just pure bodies beating around me
In the blasting, pure music
The music was like magic magic magic

 

That night, dancing was my infinity
Words were my infinity
My soul was infinity
This my truth truth truth

 

The Truth is
I am infinity
You can't control infinity
Because I am my soul soul soul

~N.K~

Breakfast Meetup at Esquires Coffee

Picture sources: Esquires Coffee-Instagram , Esquires Coffee-Website

How I Got to Know About Esquires Coffee:

A very close and talented blogger friend of mine, Sarah Wazir (Bookgirlingmoments) discovered Esquires Coffee, a few months ago and also collaborated with them for her blog. I obviously follow her all posts on instagram. So, I opened their website to know about them more. Esquires Coffee is actually an international brand with Cafes in New Zealand, UK, Australia, Asia and Middle East. They opened their franchise in Zamzama, Karachi Pakistan in February 2018.

Since I found out about them, I really wanted to visit their cafe because I am a coffee lover. On Friday, 16 November 2018, Sarah texted me about their breakfast meetup and I asked her all the details. I already wanted to meet her badly and we had planned to meet in the coming week but then this event sounded so good and interactive, I told her yes! Lets do this.

The Breakfast meetup, My experience:

I was just so excited for this breakfast meetup and on Saturday night I was planning with Sarah about the books we will bring along with us. Naturally, as book lovers we take one or two books with us everywhere. People may find that weird but who cares!!

Finally, Sunday morning came. I woke up and got ready as fast as I could because I was just too excited to meet Sarah and other new people.

I reached at 10.40 am and an introductory session had already started. Since, I was too excited I was real clumsy while I was sitting down. I greeted Sarah and then they were already onto the introductions so, I gave my short intro. I realised then, these people are creators and so very talented.

This whole breakfast club was arranged by Jehanzeb Paracha (The Chief Executive of Esquires Coffee) and Raahima Nasim (The Social Media Manager of Esquires Coffee). I must say, it was amazingly managed and my first experience at this breakfast meetup was delightful and mezmerising.

Who did I meet? Well let me give you a little introduction of the few people who I met and was able to interact with.

1. Sarah Wazir (bookgirlingmoments-Instagram):

I met her in January 2018 actually and we have been such good friends since then. I am just so glad she told me about this so we could have this amazing experience together. She is a lifestyle and bookblogger. So very talented. I have linked her instagram profile as well as her blog (earlier when I mentioned her). Do check it out.

2. Muhammad Ali :

He is the person behind ocean mall’s social media and a person of many talents like graphic designer radio person PR person content creator and a budding Instagram Influencer.

It was so good to know him, about his life and the hardships he faced. How he changed himself in a good and positive way and he takes on challenges in life with a smile. He is such a happy go lucky person and I could actually relate to this.

3. Zain Awan :

He is the brain behind the blog Zainwain. A Marketing & branding professional. Working at at a Digital & PR agency. He blogs about fashion, food and Travel.

Zain discussed about his life in detail and I got to know and learn so much from him. He did not had easy in life but he is happy now with a dream career and travelling as much as he can.

4. Maha Abdul :

Shes is a concept artist, an illustrator and an anime lover. Do check out her instagram page. I have linked it with her name.

I was amazed at her creativity and her deep analysis about various anime movies. Her anime illustrations are outstanding.

5. Huda (Cuckoo Official):

She is a fashion designer and has her own clothing brand that is Cuckoo Official. Her designs are so unique and colorful. I have linked her instagram page. Do check it out.

There were 3 other people whom I met but I was unable to take their contact information. So, now I am hoping to meet them another time.

Jehanzeb Paracha asked us different questions about life in general and he talked about his youth days, about his routine life back then and how Karachi was at that time. Overall, the discussion was very eye opening. I felt refreshed, literally. Meeting these amazing creative people was such a great experience on that Sunday morning.

The ambience of the whole coffee shop was very serene and welcoming. The second picture in this blog is of our breakfast. I ordered a Chocolate Waffle and Vanilla Latte. Sarah tried Crossaint and Mocha Frappe. The breakfast was so mouthwateringly delicious. The coffee was obviously the best.

After we were done with the discussion and it was time to go, me and Sarah stayed a bit longer to take some bookish pictures and enjoy the ambience of this place for a while longer. We literally could stay there for a whole day and still it would not be enough.

End Notes:

Thank you so much Esquires Coffee for having me. Thank you to Jehanzeb Paracha and Raahima Nasim for arranging this amazing breakfast meetup. Please keep having these kinds of meetups with various themes. I literally love your coffee shop and I will try to visit frequently.

Those of you who live in Karachi and are coffee lovers, you guys should definitely check out Esquires Coffee.

 

Picture credits of the feature image goes to my talented book blogger friend Ipsita from India.

Her blog: MyBookishVibes

How to Channel Good Vibes Around You

“Your power is in your thoughts, so stay awake. In other words, remember to remember.”
― Rhonda Byrne, The Secret

“Your thoughts become things!
”
― Rhonda Byrne, The Secret

The above mentioned quotes are very meaningful and deep quotes from the book “The Secret by Rhonda Byrne”. Those of you who are avid readers may have heard or read this book. Its actually a series consisting of three books. But I won’t be discussing about this book in this post. I will actually share a few of my personal experiences as examples to advise you on channeling good vibes.

As we all know, life is not perfect but nothing is impossible in life. If you can dream it, you can do it. My life was filled with many problems since I was a kid. I observed more than other kids around me. I always felt too different from typical girls, obviously most were my friends too. I was a good listener too, so my friends shared so many of their personal problems with me. I loved to help those around me and spread love and happiness whenever I could. I was called a happy go lucky person most of the times because I was usually very energetic, smiling and laughing most of the time and I guess overall I radiated good vibes and still do. Now when I look back to my life, this was the main reason I attracted people around me.

Meanwhile, there were always some kind of problems and hurdles going on in my life. Like family problems, me being an average student, lack of focus in studies, financial problems, trying to figure my own identity and other small hurdles. Though I did whine and complain about my problems, but mostly I did it to myself in the solitude, to others? Not too much. The complaining period lasted on for a short time. That light of hope always burned brightly within me.

I went through this self loathing period in my life. Believe me, self loathing is very destructive and I did go through a kind of depression because of that self loathing. But I did come out of it. It took a lot of self reflection, on my part. Achieving a kind of piece of mind and trying to be in that happy place took time. I went through a huge process of change.

Now you must be thinking, how to actually channel good vibes? Read the quotes, I mentioned in the beginning, very carefully. Those quotes say it all. All the power is in your mind and thoughts. I actually learned to manipulate my thoughts into positive ones at the time of crisis. Reading, self help, spiritual and thought provoking books helped me a lot in getting to this peaceful place in my mind, where I am today.

In order to channel good vibes, your positive and energetic thoughts needs to be in sync with your actions. Remember your continuous negativity or negative emotions can be destructive. Also, when you are thinking positively about something make sure your actions are in sync.

Here is an example: Since last year, I was facing hurdles in finding a job and I continuously kept struggling for it. Although, at times I got depressed but I did not stop being optimistic. I kept applying for jobs. I got a 3 months contract based job in April and in August I finally found a job which I was satisfied with.

So you see, my actions were in sync with my positive thoughts. I was able to channel good vibes around me. Here is another example: I started my proper book blogging account on instagram this year. So, when I started entering in book giveaways, suddenly I won one and then I kept winning the giveaways. I think I won maybe 6 or 7 giveaways up till now. I won because I kept thinking about winning them and I kept entering giveaways. Again, my thoughts and actions were in sync here.

So, you see, at first it is very hard to channel the good vibes around you. But once you train your mind and thoughts, you can actually do it. You need a lot of patience for this, because failures will come on the way. Because they are a part of our lives. You need to be strong and just never lose hope.

In my opinion, this is all about practice and applying it in your daily life. I guess, I have been doing this since my childhood, without even knowing it. Also, when you start applying this in your life, you actually attract all the good things around you. Its like the world is giving back to you. You will attract people towards you wherever you go.

Remember that life is never easy and straightforward. Problems and hurdles will always be there. But after that good days come too. You need to have hope and strength to fight it and get through it all the while being optimistic and positive.

There is still a lot that I want to say regarding the good vibes, but blog posts are supposed to be limited. If you have any questions regarding this? Or if you need any advice. You can simply leave a comment or reach me on instagram and twitter (@n.k_literarynerd, @nikkiglow20).

 

 

 

 

Time Crawlers by Varun Sayal

Goodreads Synopsis:

Alien Invasion, Dark Artificial Intelligence, Time-Travel, High-Tech Mythology, Djinn Folklore, Telekinetics, and life-consuming Cosmic Entities are some major themes in this book which has six tightly-knit, fast-paced Sci-Fi stories.

1. Nark-astra, The Hell Weapon
The weapons he possesses make him the destroyer of worlds, and he burns for revenge. A high-tech take on ancient Indian mythology.

2. Death by Crowd
The dark desires of the masses; darknet websites fueled by a crypto-currency. What lurks in the background – an advanced artificial intelligence?

3. Genie
He rubbed a lamp alright, but what he got was the shock of his life. An entirely sci-fi take on the djinn myth.

4. Time Crawlers
There are individuals who existing in multiple time periods at once, and there are those who know about them….

5. Eclipse
No attacks, no blood-shed, yet there was an invasion and a conquest. Who are these shapeshifter aliens being hounded by an eclipse?

6. The Cave
The fate of an advanced imperial race hangs in balance as a dark celestial entity meets a legendary protector. 

My Review:

“Billions of universes run slightly parallel to our own universe; worlds full of infinite possibilities. There are many humans living in those parallel worlds, leading their lives, in a very similar way to how we are leading ours. But their respective realities differ from ours in some very peculiar ways.”  The stories that the author created about aliens and other planets in the universe were like mind boggling. It was like, he took thoughts right out of my mind and put it into words. The best story was the genie one and the last story. I was just so intrigued by this book. The stories brought so many possibilities and theories about multiverse, parallel universe, aliens and the planets in space. The names of the characters were though very difficult to pronounce but they were very unique …nonethless. I literally read this book in 1 day cause it was short and yet so amazing. I really think a lot about space travel, aliens, planets and multiverse. Thank you so much to the author for providing me this e-copy of his book. Really loved reading this book.  I rather love reading about aliens, parallel universe, space travel and different planets. My imagination is very wild like that. So naturally I believe in all these stuffs. I love books that cater these out of the world topics. My Ratings:  🌟🌟🌟🌟/🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 4/5 You can find the author at:  🌏Instagram 🌏Goodreads

Snow Hike Adventure Camp (Part 2)

Stay in Gilgit, 8 February:

We reached Gilgit at noon, loaded our bags in the Suzuki and off we went towards our community center hostel. We got a warm welcome from the scouts’ leader at our community center and also our camp commander Dr. Hina. We were briefed about our stay arrangements for the rest of the day and night and they told us that we could go and explore Gilgit together if we want to. We were provided with lunch after the short introductory and briefing session. We were so famished with hunger and you can guess our level of happiness when we got biryani. This was heaven after those little scraps of food we ate on our 48 hours journey. After lunch, the maiden of the hostel took us to the nearby girls’ hostel and she was such a nice & hospitable lady. Our room was on the second floor at the corner, although other girls in the hostel lived in that room they were generous enough to lend us their room until our stay. We got settled in our room, got freshened up, changed our clothes and got ready as soon as we could because we wanted to explore Gilgit in the short time we had on hand. We met up with the boys, all of us dressed in warm clothes as we knew the temperature would drop till -1. Some of us did shopping, we all took pictures while exploring the markets and sightseeing places at Gilgit. After reciting prayers we went to pizza king for dinner. The pizza was absolutely yummy. All shops were closed at 8pm except for few general stores, so we stocked up chips for our camping. Back at the hostel, we quickly packed our backpacks for 3 days and 2 nights camp in the mountain areas called Nalter. It was so cold that we girls huddled up together in blankets, set up the alarm for early morning and then we slept.

9th February, Camp day 1:

At 6.30 the first alarm rang but we girls were still in bed. After the 3rd alarm, we finally started getting up one by one. It was so cold in the morning that we just wanted to lay in bed, huddled together in the blanket but we had an exciting journey ahead of us. We were already wearing 2-3 layers of warm clothes so we just wore our camp uniforms on the outside and snowshoes as we were going north, in the snowy mountains. We then went to our community center to have breakfast. After the breakfast, we called our parents to let them know that we will be out of reach for 3 days as there were no signals in the mountain areas. Our camp commander called us outside in the garden where we met other guides and scouts participants from Gilgit, Hunza, Iskoman punyal and few other places from northern areas. Guides and scouts were divided into four groups each. For all four guides group, two group leaders were made. Hina, me and Arsheela were the leaders of 3 of the four groups and the second group leaders were the girls from northern areas. Soon after the group division, we all left for Nalter in the vans. Although Nalter is part of Gilgit, its way up in the mountains and I was so excited to be in the snow. The vans stopped halfway in the mountains because we all were told to go hiking from there onwards until we reach our resident area. Every group was given envelopes which contained activities that every group had to perform on the way. Us Karachi participants were not experienced in hiking up the mountains but we all tried our best. I was literally getting out of breaths after every 5-10 minutes but my fellow group leader Haseena kept encouraging me to go on and we performed all our activities as a team. We finally reached our residential place in Nalter and I could see the snow, far ahead in the mountains. After settling in our rooms, getting to know our group girls, we had lunch. After the lunch, we all gathered outside our residential hut, listened to our camp commander’s instructions and prepared to go get ready for our snow hike. We put on our leather jackets and gloves, took water bottles, big wood sticks to help us in walking in the snow. This was my first snow hike ever in my whole life and I was so scared but thrilled as well. It was a challenge for me and there were so many obstacles we faced along the way because the snow was slippery and most of the North girls went way ahead of us. We Karachi girls were trying our best to reach the destination that was way up the snowy mountain. there were two scouts leaders with us as well as few north girls who were helping us out so that we do not slip down the mountain slope, in the slippery snow. The rest of the guides were cheering us from upside. So we finally made it after a deep struggle and it felt wonderful. We had a group photo session and then we went on our way to a big hut where we had an introductory session of the camp, then we watched a Pakistani movie called Actor in law. By 7 pm it was already dark outside, so we all went back to our residential place. We distributed dinner among our fellow guides and us leaders had dinner together outside in the camp. We also got a briefing about the activities of next two days. As for our sleeping arrangements, four of the north guides girls slept on the bed in our room and we Karachi guides girls slept on the mattress because the mattress was just too comfortable. In the other rooms, girls stayed awake till late night, they were having fun together but were so tired that we just huddled together and slept.

10th February, Camp day 2:

We woke up in the morning feeling so cold but then heater was provided to girls in all the four rooms. Okay so here’s a weird fact, we were not able to shower since 5 days. In the initial 3 days of the journey, we were on the way to Gilgit but after that, there was no warm water in the hostel and we just washed each other’s hair on the night of the second of the camp. Camp day 2 was all about learning skiing, adventure trail, getting to know each other a little more better, exploring cultures by having a campfire and playing in the snow. All of this actually sums up our day. I remember how dangerous the adventure trail was and the whole time I felt like I will fall down any moment. But thanks to our Gilgit guides friends, who held our hands and helped us through the whole adventure trail. We also went to see the snow leopard that day, all the girls were fascinated to see it. We took pictures of the leopard and a group picture of all of us girls. We got time to play in the snow, take pictures in the snow, tasting pure snow and just having fun with each other. All of us girl guides did a sort of campfire in the daytime. I know campfire in daytime sounds weird but it was so much fun because we learned guides songs of northern guides in their language and then we taught them our guides songs in our language. It was a beautiful moment. Learning to ski was the hardest part because I remember being scared but I still wanted to try it. My fellow guides friends encouraged me to do it and I now feel glad that at least I learned the basics of it and taught Komal as well at that time. Arsheela also tried skiing and did her best. Amber and Arveena were the best of us as they learned it and when they tried skiing, they just did beautifully.

At night, we felt so clean and wonderful after washing our hair. Sitting together in front of the heater, drying our hair and realizing that the next day is our last day at camp.

11th February, Camp day 3 (last day):

On the last day of snow hike camp, we woke up early as per the instructions given to us. We had breakfast and we all left for snow hiking. They were taking us to a place where we could do model making in the snow. On the way, we girls talked about how it was the last of the camp and it was just memorable. We made so many new friends who were so helpful, strong and dedicated guides. We did yoga near the water stream. It was so peaceful, hearing the birds voices, waterfalls and winds blowing. When we finally reached our destination, each group was given a large space for making snow models based on our Thinking day themes and those were: Connect, grow and impact. Making creative models in the snow was such a fresh experience because each group worked together as a team and made something innovative with a deep message, showing through the models. Finally, we had our closing ceremony and a grand group picture. On our way back to the residential huts, we made the most of the little time we girls had together by having snow fights, talking to each other, reliving the 3 days of camp and just bonding with each other.

After lunch, we all said goodbye to each other, giving hugs and exchanging numbers. Finally, we took our backpacks and sat in the minibusses, heading on our way to Gilgit. After reaching the community center in Gilgit, our team of 13 people was decided to book Hi Ace bus that will take us to Islamabad and from Islamabad we decided to book flights to Karachi. In the evening we went to buy dry fruits. Our bus was booked, we went to the hostel and packed our bags. The other girls in the hostel came to say goodbye to us. Time went by so fast that I couldn’t believe it was my last night in Gilgit. It was my last night of sleeping together with these 5 wonderful girls with whom I had the time of my life.

Gilgit to Islambad and Islamabad to Karachi:

While on the way back, on the night of 12th February, we got stuck somewhere before Mansehra because it was raining and snowing. The road ahead was slippery so it was dangerous to travel ahead. Although we were wearing warm clothes they were not enough because it was so cold. We girls were in the upstairs hotel room which was freezing. Hotel people made a kind of heater for us burning wood. We were all so anxious because our flights were booked for next morning. Finally, the rangers came to help us and although it took almost a whole night to leave that place we made it through. We literally saw live snowfall the first time in our lives. We reached Islamabad airport on time in the morning, boarded up on our flights, talking about how we had the best camping trip ever. Every moment was memorable. By afternoon, all of us were home.

This Camping trip changed me in so many ways. I transformed into a new version of myself and I developed a sense of peace after this camp which I was craving for a long time. I had a time of my life and now I miss all my team members so much. I dedicate this travelogue to all my camp team members.

Snow Hike Adventure Camp (Part1)

You all must be knowing about girl guides and girl scouts association that are running in different countries of the world. In my country, Pakistan; this association is called Pakistan Girl Guides Association and it works for the upliftment of women and girls in our society. I feel so privileged to be a part of guides.

Every year national camps are conducted for both guides and scouts in our country and Snow Hike Adventure Camp just started last year. So this year it was the 2nd Snow Hike Adventure Camp  held in Nalter, Gilgit and the best one indeed.  So here are the details of one of my life’s best experience.

From Selection to the start of our journey:

The day I filled the form and submitted it, I was hopeful and very positive that I will get selected as it was my gut feeling. After that I was waiting impatiently for the results. On the night of 1st February I got to know that I finally got selected. In the next two days, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life; to continue my job or to go on this camp. I was on a probation period and after trying my best to get leaves for ten days, my boss was not able to grant me the leaves because its against the policies to grant leaves in probation period. To go on this camp was my dream and after discussing about this matter with my friends and parents, I finally made the decision that I would not regret my whole life. I chose to go on this camp. My parents supported my decision and we began preparations for my journey. As this was my first ever travel and I was going to Gilgit which is in Pakistan’s Northern Area, we had to go for shopping to buy warm clothes and snow shoes. Apparently, I just had one day for shopping because the next day was a public holiday and we were leaving on 6th Feb. There were 6 girls and 6 boys selected from all over Karachi from our community. I met the girls of our group the day before our journey. Although, there were some miscommunications and mismanagement as we were informed about all the travelling details at a short notice but the thing was, deep down we all were excited for this new experience. Finally, the day arrived and we all met at the bus station with our parents. Everyone was nerve wrecked, a little angry to be travelling in the public bus but still excited.

The Journey from 6th to 8th Feb:

We were all settled in the bus. Our team got the backseats in the bus so we were all sitting together. 3 at last seat and other 7 sitting in the two seater seats. We had all the junk food and other necessary stuff including some warm clothes in our bagpacks with us. Me being a bookworm that I am, couldn’t travel without a book. I guess at 10.30 or 11am the bus started and we were on our way. We did our official introductions like who belonged too which area and stuff like that. The conductor of the bus told us that the bus will stop after every 6 hours sometimes 12 hours for bathroom and eating breaks. So our 3 days and 2 nights journey in the bus went something like this:

• Arsheela, Alishah and Zayan entertaining us with their talks and jokes.
• Sharing and eating junk food. Buying more junk food from the stops.
• Updating our parents in every 3 or 4 hours.
• Too tired of sitting but couldn’t do anything about it. Changing our sitting positions constantly.
• Saving our cellphone batteries by not using it too much. Everyone’s phone was on power saving mode. All of us had power banks as well.
• At the stops, the bathrooms were in the lowest condition but we had to bear with it as we had to just hold our breath and get done with it. And guess what we had to pay 10 rupees for using the bathroom.
• At the initial stops we barely ate the food there. All us girls would just share one plate and just eat 2-3 bites. Later on compensate our hunger with chips, biscuit and water.
• Luckily Farzan bought nuggets and shared with us all.
• I sometimes read book, texted my parents and best friends, listened to music or slept.
• So at night when we all tried to sleep, some little boy used to start crying at the exact same time and we all were like please make him stop crying.
• Next day we stopped somewhere in interior Punjab, early morning. It was 6 degrees at that time and we were literally freezing, though we were wearing our sweaters and hoodies. Then we just had a little bit of breakfast and ate pure sugarcane. As nearby there was a field of Sugarcane and there were tractors loaded with sugarcane. The boys brought the sugarcane for us all, it was heavenly sweet and delicious.
• A tiny detail I forgot to mention. Other than 6 scouts boys and 6 girl guides there was a scout leader with us for our protection.
• We took some really good pictures at this stop.
• Later that day, sometime after 3pm we stopped in Islamabad at a petrol pump. We bought some chips, juices and water bottles. Also, 3 of us girls bought ice cream and enjoyed every bit of it. Took some pictures there as well and then we were off to our journey.
• That same day we got a little better food to eat. Also, Umber caught fever. We all advised her to eat something, take medicine and sleep.
• We stopped at a hotel in Karakoram highway that night for 2 and a half hours. We had dinner, everyone was charging their phones and power banks, it was too out there. Probably 5 or 4 degrees, I was just tired of sitting so me and Komal were just walking outside, getting to know each other. The tow hours passed and just like that we were on road again.
• That night our feets were literally freezing because of the cold weather. But somehow we all slept through the night.
• When we woke up in the morning, we were in the mountains though gilgit was still hours away.
• We stopped at a place called Chillas for breakfast and bathroom break. We all mostly drank tea there. Some of the boys had breakfast.
• Finally at noon we reached at the Gilgit bus station.

 

To Be Continued….

Dear Diary: His soul

He had this pure soul

This purity reflected in his eyes

In his silence

She could not stop staring at him

 

Sometimes it was so hard,

To resist his striking beauty

She knew his flaws

Understood him like no other

Accepted him for who he is truly

 

Such deep was their bond

Such pure was their bond

Her soul was so attuned to

She could not explain it to anyone

How sacred this relation was

 

The present moments with him,

Were all that mattered

The future is unknown

There are no expectations

 

All she wanted was to keep giving

With all her being

Cherish every moment together

 

This feeling was so spiritual

It cannot be defined

It can only be felt

~N.K.~

 

 

Dear Diary: My demons

Looking back into time

When I was that timid little girl

Scared of this world

That time when others opinions still mattered  to me

 

That time when my past haunted me

Those depression filled days

Too many thoughts attacked me

Too many nights, I cried to myself

 

Tried so much to distract myself

I was trying to run from myself

Run from my past

There was so much, that I regretted

 

All those negative feelings

Jealousy, possessiveness, selfishness and many more

I wanted to be free of these feelings

I felt, like I was full of sins

 

I knew, I am alone in this battle with myself

That this is my own battle

The cure was within me

Subconsciously I knew all this

 

How to heal myself

I used to think

How to fight these inner demons?

How to feel love? Without any conditions or limits?

 

I wanted to feel accepted  by people, like truly

I felt like the weirdest person

So out of league

I felt so average

 

I was not intelligent or smart or clever

I was just a human

Just a girl

Who was wounded from inside out

Who was I?

 

I was caged within myself

I wanted to be free

Of all these thoughts

Of this depression phase

 

I had many friends

Everyone knew parts of me

No one really knew me

Even I myself

Did know, who I was

 

So then how could I ask people

To help me

Yes I could talk to anyone

Just to feel good temporarily

 

But no one outside me

Could provide me the cure

No one would fight my demons for me

I finally understood that much

No one could give me that love

That I longed for

 

What was love really?

I wanted to find out

I only knew of love

Which I was taught from the time of my birth

I did not really knew or felt real love

I just felt it was something bigger

Something better

Something eternal

 

Then I begin my journey

Into finding, real love

The journey of finding my true self

The journey of fighting my own battles

And fighting my own demons

 

Giving up was not the option for me

Because I believed

In that Hope

I Believed in something

I did not knew at the time

What it was actually

What I was after

But I just believed

~N.K.~

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the streets

What was the one thing she really craved?

She kept asking this question to herself

She finally found the answer

She wants to walk on the streets by herself

Without anyone accompanying her

Walking on the streets at night

Walking on the streets in the daytime

Exploring the world along the way

Talking to random people

Along the way

Listening to their stories

To feel their feelings

To understand all their hardships

To give them hope

Spend time with those random people

And spread smiles among them

There are so many dangers on the streets

Of her cut

She is fully aware of those dangers

People are scared

So scared of the dang on the street

Mugging, kidnapping, rape and so much more

But she doesn’t care about those dangers

She wants to keep walking

She wants to explore different stories

And write about them

She wants to face the dangers

Along the way

People commented

You are vulnerable and naïve

Go to your safe place

This world

These streets

Will eat you alive

She knew all of this

Knew what people thought about her

Naivety was not part of her

Even if it may seem that way from outside

All she felt was alive and conscious

She observed, listened and experienced

This is how she learned

She listened to her soul’s voice

She believed in the divine power

God was with her in every step of the way

God had protected her always

Had loved her always

Will keep protecting and loving her

She had no doubt about that

She felt deeply connected with the divine

When she was among those random people

Helping them in some way

Walking down the streets with them

Facing dangers like they did, every day

Appreciating life, the way it was

Thanking for what she had

Those people thanking for what they had

She felt human,

Connected with humanity

More close to God and all the blessings

A part of nature

She wanted to continue

Walking down these streets

That is when she saw him…

To be continued…….

~N.K~

 

 

 

Dear Diary: Gratitude

She feels thankfulness towards God

Such deep gratitude, that she feels

Thanking God every day

No matter how much, it is not enough

He bestowed upon her

Such unconditional love

She feels that unlimited love pouring out of her everyday

She gives and share and spreads

This unlimited and unconditional love

Among those people, around her

All she needed was the love of divine

All she needed was to recognize her soul

All she needed was to accept herself, for who she really is

All she needed was to listen to her soul’s voice

All she needed was the true guidance from the divine

Now she feels so blessed

So thankful to God for every blessing

That was bestowed upon her

A the people that were sent in her life

With whom she feels connected to

The souls of those people

That she recognized instantly

Those souls who make her feel

More closer to the divine

She found those souls in this world

Who were her companions in that other world

In that infinite world

She believes,

She will find her whispering voice

That soul, who is her true soul mate

Her other half

Who will bring her more closer to the divine

That soul is among one of these souls

The divine will guide her

Towards that soul

That the divine has chosen for her

Patience is her virtue, her best friend

So are the books who keep guiding her

So she feels such deep gratitude

Every single day

Thank you, thank you, thank you God

~N.K~